Liz Phair:Why Can't I Breathe?

silly ramblings of a silly wabbit

Monday, August 07, 2006
1:16 PM

i need to revise some things. and change. think i've been living in oblivion. i need the truth. to. hopefully. set me free. heh. it's bloody damaging to be constantly dodging. really. i'm beginning to learn alot about myself. i think. i. for one. fear complications. therefore. i squirm my way through. only to make matters worst. gah.the ignorance must stop too. yea. i always say that. but give me a few months and i'll fall back into this daze. i think there is an indisputable need to constantly check myself every now and then. mmhhmm..i ought to toughen up. be more sure of myself. where is this independence i've heard so much about? it's time i start employing this ever so necessary human feature. heh. no no. not just when it comes to getting my own laundry done and shopping for groceries. there is also the decision making. adjustments to change. adaptability? confrontation. it's what this whole experience is about isn't it?amy tan is ever so inspiring. the other day i mentioned how i interpret books differently after reading it the second time. as i've probably matured in thinking and therefore in different circumstances relate to what's written in context of whatever i'm going through. i completed tan's the opposite of fate today. i can relate to the beauty she sees in literature. she stated something along the lines of what i wrote before i read her book. which was utterly amazing really. writers may want to convey ideas that some readers might capture but others may define otherwise. i wouldn't call it misinterpretation. just the art of words. i fell in love with her writing because of her honesty and passion in conveying messages through fiction. not forgetting her one and only non-fiction book, the opposite of fate.about my former vow to improve myself. i also discovered some things in tan's book that makes alot of sense. my experience in trinity becomes clearer now. asians are often deemed "modest and discreet". with students like us getting education in western societies, these characteristics are often misinterpreted. westerners are more of the affirmitive, forthright kind. where as we asians tend to be more passive and in a constant battle for compromise whatever the situation. don't get me wrong. to me neither groups are in any way inferior to the other. there's no right or wrong here. they're just. different. i'm not here to discriminate against neither. rather i'm feeling quite the contrary. i'm ever so thankful to be blessed with the best of both worlds. sure. it can be a struggle as i am innately chinese. trying to adapt to a different world i would say. i agree with what amy tan have to say. when both worlds collide there are always important elements. lost in translation.it's applicable in my life really. and of course in the lives of many. though. not as much as those born in a western country with immigrant parents like amy. anyways. no doubt i have always been passive. was my freedom to express limited from the way i was brought up? is that why i'm ever so secretive, quiet and suffocated from lack of means for output? thus resulting in the person i am today *looks at self* not all that bad really. i vowed to improve. and improve i shall.

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