silly ramblings of a silly wabbit
Saturday, October 08, 2005
1:38 PM
So many things can crash & burn right in front in a spilt second. All the time, I thank God for letting me learn the hardest way.. In hopes that I will become a renewed person after a downfall and most importantly, I draw closer to God. I get upset at things, somehow or rather, how it turns out to be. But I continue to hang on that everything happens for a reason. Not just A reason. But for a good cause...
I'm sorry to whoever out there. I've been drifting away these few weeks.. Been in my own world, or better still, some of you don't actually know I was lost.. Its alright. I don't blame you.. Malicious people would jump to conclusions that I got dumped by my boyfriend, concluded that I was just stressed out, PMS, and all that jazz. It comes to a point where demoralisation does not stir me anymore. I just don't really care what other's think anymore. Dressed sloppily, didn't care two hoods about studies.. All I did was to lock myself in the room all day long.. I didn't feel depressed, neither deprived. I wasn't troubled or any sort like that.. Its just a period of time where I just wanted to be alone.. And so its true, there was no one to talk to. People I can open up to? I can't.. because I myself, don't know what's wrong with myself. I don't say anything at all? People get worried. You know what... forget it. People listen because they just want to portray that they listen.. Only my heart get pierced with my own iniquities... I was a wreck. I don't get why I was being emotional for nothing. I felt weak and weaker at the thought of how weak I was.
It was only right before the downfall when I really ran back to God. Throughout the times where I was away from society, my walk with God was stable (surprised huh?).. it was really a time where I cried to God. Telling him. 'This is all so hard, I can't hang on anymore..' During the downfall, it all became clear. Every doubt was whisked away.. In conclusion of all, it was all about God. God and God alone... I'm not surprised if you don't know what I'm babbling right now, but what I can say is... Our God is miraculous. Beyond comprehension.
Like what Jamie Sullivan said 'There's no reason to be angry with God'
And so you question, Am I okay? Yes dearest concernsies. I'm much much MUCH better now.. I learn not to bottle things up and stir my emotions. (I bottle things up far too much) I have to stop assuring myself that anger will fade.. I forgive others much easier, but I indeed must learn how to FORGIVE MYSELF. Have to stop blaming myself, beating myself up for things that don't go my way...I have to stop being perfect, because I'm not. And there's no chance that I will be... Everything can be okay, fine, alright..but I have to check that I, myself is okay...(heard that one before?) I can be independent and stubborn, but God's telling me- sometimes,its better just to reach for the helping hand. Submit to myself and to know, I don't have to handle all these by myself. I can always surrender it to God. That's all God wants me to do. That's everything He has been trying to plant in my tough skull...
At this time, I'm just happy, contented, focused. At many many things. Let's just say..
'its a secret'
da da da....
get the rawr faye:
acting all silly willy
naughty!
very smiley biggie!
most of the time crazy..
listening to crappy music?
yup. dancing is thy poison
first class exaggerator =p
slave for my own taste of lousy fashion
hairbands, enormous earrings
very fidelity
absolute
clumsy at times
non-bogus
complex
peevish in the morns
fixation on Chad M.Murray,Wentworth Miller,Oliver Goodwill
violins and ballets
au naturalle photographs
drums and guitars were yesterdays...
of ten in one are put into past. if you don't mind
bored,reading my blog this mo;
left their footprints;
